to be loved? or to love?

physicaly..

hai, you have many people to be with..surrounds you, and yeah your not alone..

but within your heart you feel there is something missing..

all your life you been searching.. and searching, and one day you felt you found her..

but knowing that its wrong to love her whatever you do..its just wrong..

and the hardes part is you know she doesnt love u..

but instead treats you as a brother..

and now that she is not by you side

even how loud you cry, shout..

you know your words has no chance to reach her..

and now you are again..

alone in the dark thinking of a way to forget your feelings..

..wishing for you to be loved..

because you are tired loving and not being loved back,,

all your life this always happens..

and the only things that remains are the memories you have with her being by your side..

the moments you are laughing, smiling with each other and the moments you want to stop the time to be forever looking at her...

i realy want to be with her again..

its realy hard to forget about someone you really love,,

but in the end you realized..what is love?

am i doing the right thing when loving someone?

guess i dont really know,

because i realy dont know how it feels to be loved, so how can i know if im realy doing the right thing?..

it is much convinient to die, instead of living and having this burden this hard to carry feeling inside your heart..

i really dont want to be alone

i want to be loved by her..

by : Kiseki

Kiseki post this to Friendster bulletin..

I know his thoughts..

I've felt this before..

Don't worry Kiseki you'll overcome this feelings later on..

Phone Calls

After the Second Meeting the phone calls started, its either he's calling me or I call him..
nwei we are using the hotel's phone and we got used to it.. hehehe..
Evryday n kame nag-uusap, kwentuhan and evrything, grbe parang di kame nauubusan ng kwento araw2..
we always talked about anime ofcoarse we both like Naruto!
Thats why Naruto became his nickname.. hehehe..
And I rili love the character of Hinata, I always say byakugan! (^-^)
wahahahaha.. My sister (jhing) get angry when I do that..
But i like it.. hehehe...
And take note!
At day we always having a conversation through phone, and at night!
We always make tambay in the front of their room w/c is under the tree all of the gangs sit there evrynyt..
We also took dinner there, salosalo kami..
And we chat whole night or go to the beach, juz walking distance or the boardwalk..
And when it is dawn already (madaling araw na) we go to our room and sleep but..
Me and Naruto stays to have chat till the suns comes out..
hehehehe... and he always singing me a song, anysong.. RnB, OPM, Alternative & Pinoy Bands Songs..
He also knows how to play guitar!
grbe.. I rili love it.. when he do the guitar and sing me a song..
hai.... I miz that! (^-^)
And when we both want to get some sleep he will walk me to my room and we say goodnight and ... hep! walang kis noh! wahehehehe.. bawal poh.. (--,)
and after that im thinking about him before i go to sleep..
and by tommorow morning he's my wake up call...
he always call me to wake me up, superb! and then we chat again through phone and we stop to have breaklunch.. (breakfast & lunch) coz we get up late..
about 11 or 12 mid-day.. hehehehe..
after we eat, we chat again.. the guys always shouting, lowbat n yung phone!
hehehe... charge muna..
and we stop the conversation coz we both need to take a bath..
we actually like to talk about movies and anime and there was time that we both watching the same movie in the hotels room, ofcoarse same channel of the tv..
that is Brothers Grimm and the other one.. I dont remember the title.. but its war..
oh! Behind Enemy Lines! yun! (tama bah??) (^-^)
heheheh...
and after we took a bath we go out and have dinner then tambay uleth then sleep then phonecalls..
Thats my daily routine in kish.. hehehe..
And the day came that my sister jhing need to go back to Dubai..
She doesnt want but what we can do?! The Company needs her..
And shes gone..
On the night she went to the airport to be a chance passenger, hehehe..
She got back coz there are too many of them..
But then shes flight is in the morning..
So shes rili gone by 4 am.. So sad.. (T-T)
After she got inside the coaster we went to the seashore to watch the sunrise..
And that dawn also Naruto and Hinata start to have a relationship..
Opoh kami na.. (^-^)
That was June 02, 2008 mornin..
he ask me to be his GF and I said yes..
My mind says why not! I like this guy so much..
My heart tells me, be true to yourself.. Say yez..
Thats how we started..
New born relationship w/ the help of anime and movies..
W/ the help of exit..
W/ the help of Kish Island, I found him..
The picture of my dream guy..
Leebert..

Hey Jude (The Beatles) Lee's Favorite

The Beatles

Hey Jude

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.

Take a sad song and make it better.

Remember to let her into your heart,

Then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude, don't be afraid.

You were made to go out and get her.

The minute you let her under your skin,

Then you begin to make it better.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.

For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool

By making his world a little colder.

Hey Jude, don't let me down.

You have found her, now go and get her.

Remember to let her into your heart,

Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin,

You're waiting for someone to perform with.

And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do,

The movement you need is on your shoulder.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.

Take a sad song and make it better.

Remember to let her under your skin,

Then you'll begin to make it

Better better better better better better, oh.

Na na na, na na na na, na na na, hey Jude...

-=diosa=-

Cheetos! (^-^)

your askin why i entitled this post cheetos??
juz read this dont argue w/ me!.. (^-^)
hehehehe..
this post is titled cheetos bcoz of cheetos!
the snack that is so crunchy and loaded w/ supah cheese..
hai.. ilove this snack you know why?
coz Leebert love this, i ate this snack yesterday nyt, remember the things that Lee want?
Im adopting things that he wanted..
but for being fair cheetos is good men..
we bought some chichiria last nyt and then i accidentally saw this cheetos..
i remember that Leebert love this so i buy it and start eating it going back home.
and i got homed juz after i take shower and have my night routine..
he text me and try to call me, hes using his friends no. duh?!?!
wala xang phone pla and block and simcard nya!
what a guy.. sabi nga nya kapag kinakantot k nga namn ng kamalasan.. (--,)
wahahaha.. he always say that when we were in kish..
actually for me swerte namn!!
kasi evryday ko syang iniisip and suddenly nagparamdam n sya!



Cheetos (JOKE)
There's this guy and one day, when he pissing, he notices that his penis is orange. He goes, "What the hell?" and he went to the doctor the next day. "Doc, why's my penis orange?" he asks. The doctor goes, "Hmm. Never seen anything like it. Here, take a couple of these pills and come back here tomorrow." So the guy takes the pills back home and uses it that night. The next day, he goes back to the doctor and the stuff doesn't do anything. So, the doctor gives him some stronger stuff and tells him to come back the next day. He takes it home and the next day, his penis is still orange. He goes back to the doctor and he gives him the strongest stuff they have. You know, he'll be out for twelve hours and he can't eat or drink anything during that time, etc. He comes back a couple days later and his penis is still orange. The doctor goes, "Damn. What's going on? What kind of sex have you been having?" The guy goes, "Well, actually, I haven't gotten any in a long time." So the doctor thinks a little bit and asks, "Well, what'd you do last night?" The guy says, "Um, I was looking at some pornos and eating some Cheetoes."

Second Meeting

after the first meet nasundan yun but..
we didnt spoke to each other on the first time..
i mean not till we sat together..
suplado nga sya..
promise..
hehehe..
but kita ko s eyes nya n type nya me..
(^-^) hehe LAKAS ko noh??
totoo yun!!
i know coz he stare at me always..
hehe.. its ok for me coz i like him also..
pano nga ba nagkaron ng second meeting??
hmmm...
ah!! s pagka alala koh..
they call on our room and nagyaya ng fishing..
so we call them and answer yes for they fishing kuno!
hehe..
nagpunta n uleth kame s boardwalk and we sat in the bench..
at first di nya me muna kinusap ang kausap nya yung mga friend ko, sila ate jhing, ate dess..
me and grace w/ ate virgin and carlo, kuya thor and others are fishing just nearby..
hehe..
pag nalala ko yung first fishing area namin nakakatawa kasi tambayan lang pala yun...
pero madaming isda!
and i sat beside him dun din kasi ang bag ko, try to find my CP and we started to talk w/ other things and then suddenly are topic became bands.. and then anime!
wow! grbe im so happy kasi i find some one who is interested also on anime at the first time here in kish and also first time in dubai! s tagal tagal ko n nasa dubai now lang me nakatagpo ng kapareho ko ng hilig..
im so happy and very gratefull cos i found someone like me..
(^-^)
we are so compatible.. and then next na usapan n namin nakatayo n kame s fishing area while fishing yung mga kasama namin kaming 2 naman busy s pag uusap bout anime!
and the topic go on until its change to history, im a good listener so i listened to him well..
im also interested to the things that i dont know coz from the person that im talking w/ i can gain knowledge and i also starting to know him better thats my way to know someone i like..
i let him talk..
and after the chatting and fishing..
magkayayan n mag swimming..
wow!
sarap ng tubig dun!
all gurls go to swimming and also we took some pictures..
sarap kasama ng buong tropa...
masaya.. makulit.. magulo..
nga pala may niluto kami (^-^)
dalawang isda!
hehe nahuli nila!
luto ang guys while gurls are swimming..
kainis nga lang di sya nag swim kasi naka pants sya..
but still andun sya till the end..
hes handsome for me that night.. hes tall and we are so compatible..
the things we like and also our hobbies..
that night din nya kinuwento bout his life bout his past..
and his civil status..
he had a child but not married the gurl dont want to marry him and sya din..
i like him that night very much!
im starting to fall for him..
that night..

-----from now on i will tell what is rili on my mind,i will show what i rili want and i will tell and show my feelings..
i will continue this msg i dont care if no one could read this..
i juz want to express my feelingss..i know no one will read this..
for me this is my salvation of LOVE,HURT and beeing BROKEN..
i'll continue to write until i lost my LOVE for this goofy guy..
Hoping that he'll come back..

-=heartlessgodess=-

Starting to learn Guitar

Making love out of nothing at all (G,Em,C,D-sus)
hehehe..
last nyt i am rili interested to that song so i want to learn how to play it on guitar..
it is not easy for me of coarse, i play base it is much more easy.. (^-^) juz four strings unlike acoustic guitar!
wheewww!!! at least i learn the song but im not yet learning the refrain.. (^-^) hehe it has different chords men!!
but i want to learn the whole song, this is my second time i want to learn a song in the guitar, but! this is my first time to pursue like this and 1st time ko talagang natuto.. pati pag stram..
natatawa talaga ako kasi ngayon lang ako nagkaganito...
gusto kong gawin ang mga kaya nyang gawin,
gusto kong matuto ang mga alam nya,
gusto kong pumasok s mundo nya..
gusto kong makita, maramdaman, maranasan, matuto ang mundo nyang ginagalawan..
gusto kong alamin yung mga alam nya..
sobra..
sobra sobrang pagmamahal n nararamdaman koh..
hes gone but still i want him to be w/ me, no...
i want him to be w/ my world

i want to be like him,
thats why im learning how to be like him
so even his not w/ me..
his personality will be w/ me..
im starting to adopt his likings..
so he will be part of me forever..
till death..
so hard to erased him in my heart
so instead im embracing him..
its a lot more easier..
hes the first guy im inlove w/..
this is my first time im doing this for a guy..
i love him more than evrything..
more than myself now..
more than every one..


-----from now on i will tell what is rili on my mind,i will show what i rili want and i will tell and show my feelings..i will continue this msg i dont care if no one could read this..i juz want to express my feelingss..i know no one will read this..for me this is my salvation of LOVE,HURT and beeing BROKEN..i'll continue to write until i lost my LOVE for this goofy guy..Hoping that he'll come back..

-=heartlessgodess=-

Making Love Out Of Nothing At All

Air SupplyMaking Love Out Of Nothing At All

I know just how to whisper
And I know just how to cry
I know just where to find the answers
And I know just how to lie
I know just how to fake it
And I know just how to scheme
I know just when to face the truth
And then I know just when to dream

And I know just where to touch you
And I know just what to prove
know when to pull you closer
And I know when to let you loose
And I know the night is fading
And I know the time's gonna fly
And I'm never gonna tell you
Everything I gotta tell you
But I know I gotta give it a try

And I know the roads to riches
And I know the ways to fame
I know all the rules
And I know how to break 'em
And I always know the name of the game

But I don't know how to leave you
And I'll never let you fall
And I don't know how you do it
Making love out of nothing at all

Out of nothing at all, out of nothing at all
Out of nothing at all, out of nothing at all
Out of nothing at all,
Making love out of nothing at all

Everytime I see you all the rays of the sun
Are streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes
Like a spotlight

The beating of my heart is a drum and it's lost
And it's looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright

I've gotta follow it 'cause everything I know
Well it's nothing till I give it to you

I can make the runner stumble
I can make the final block
I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle
I can make all the stadiums rock
I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
I can make every promise that has ever been made
I can make all your demons be gone

But I'm never gonna make it without you
Do you really want to see me crawl
And I'm never gonna make it like you do
Making love out of nothing at all

Out of nothing at all, out of nothing at all
Out of nothing at all, out of nothing at all
Out of nothing at all, out of nothing at all
Out of nothing at all

-----from now on i will tell what is rili on my mind,i will show what i rili want and i will tell and show my feelings..i will continue this msg i dont care if no one could read this..i juz want to express my feelingss..i know no one will read this..for me this is my salvation of LOVE,HURT and beeing BROKEN..i'll continue to write until i lost my LOVE for this goofy guy..Hoping that he'll come back..
-=heartlessgodess=-

LSS (last song syndrome)

i am rili in love w/ this guy..
know i know whats the feeling of beeing hurt, this is my first time that i am longing for someone..
i have bf but i miz this guy more than my bf.. (am i beeing rude??) no im not..
im just honestly saying what im feeling ryt now..
what is inside my heart..
tonight before i sleep (actualy i havent sleep much)i am repaetedly listening to the voice of this guy, i have
a recoerd of this song on my phone actualy its just a line or phrase in a song but i keep on listening to it until my phone runs out of battery..
maybe you know this song..
(making love out of nothing at all?? by air supply)
this is the last song that he sang for me..
i mean i remember..
he can play guitar w/c i rili love...
thats why i fall for him..
i love evrything about him..
the way he laughs..
the way he play the guitar..
the way he talks..
the way he make me laugh and make faces that is so pcute..
im smiling ryt now..
nalalako kasi lahat about s kanya..
he love sports also, i think he love it much more than i does..
i love the way he play basketball, it really fits to him cpz hes tall..
he's funny in a cute way..
hehehehe.. im still smiling when i remember..
hes always singing me a song even i dont know the song...
but he rili touched my heart when he's singing..
i loving him more because of that..
and im missing him more because of that also..
i hope he still love me..
until now before i sleep i keep on reading all the messages he sent me..
i save it all in my even the msgs while im in kish..
im reading it until my feel sleepy and until my eyes close, evrynyt im doing it..
i want to remember about him evrything..
evrything about him..
all of beeing him..

-----from now on i will tell what is rili on my mind,i will show what i rili want and i will tell and show my feelings..i will continue this msg i dont care if no one could read this..i juz want to express my feelingss..i know no one will read this..for me this is my salvation of LOVE,HURT and beeing BROKEN..i'll continue to write until i lost my LOVE for this goofy guy..Hoping that he'll come back..
-=heartlessgodess=-

sleepless night..

last night.. i cant sleep early i dont know why.. maybe because the memories of the past is hunting me.. its hurting me inside.. i dont want to cry, its my defenses.. if i cry all my feelings for this guy will be gone thats why i keep on holding him inside.. i dont want him to leave my heart..
i want him to stay inside even i got older and have grandchildren..
yesterday i went home afternoon for my breaktime i found my sisters camera.. its full of memories in kish island..

and the story of our naughtyness starts... (--,)
hehe.. i mean love. (its so corny, but its true)

at our room starting to get dress, coz tonight we will meet someone.. hes a guy and his name is JM.. this jm is tall guy w/ chinito eyes..and we are six in the group six girls coz only six girls allowed to stay in the Farabi 01 rooms..
we are waiting for our Visa and we also want to have fun untill our visa got there..
me and ate Virgin are still in the room, mabagal kasi kami gumayak hehe.. kaya naiwan kami nauna na mga kasama ko s labas they are waiting for us and suddenly i receive a phone call from JM hes going out w/ us.. i told him that we will wait for him outside the room.. so when we are already in dress we go out the room and go downstairs.. hintay kami s labas until a group of people are coming, i already saw this tall guy / chinito eyes and thin?? but not much..
i know JM is not thin coz we mwt bwfore but we didi not spoke to each other hes just sitting in front of me and my sisiter in the tour.. di ko kasi anaalam pag di ako interesado..
and the group of guys come closer to us nakatingin ako s matangkad na lalaki, so tall grbe.. then nung nsa harapan n namin sila tinanong ni ate virgin yung tall guy.. are you JM?? in confusion sumagot agad yung lalaki huh?? then yung kasama nila ang sumagot.. oo sya si JM..
kaya naman umlis nakami w/ this group of guys going to the shisha place! then ask ako ng ask if sya talaga si JM, im confuse ryt now! sobra so when we got there s venue i call JMs room and hes room mate told me n umlis n daw.. and my sisiter confirm n di sya si JM hehe.. but JM ang nickname nya.. kaya sya ay si JM din!! taz dumting n yung real JM he sat beside me and the conversation starts..
i dont know why but im staring at the second JM and hes staring back at me, haha hes pacute pah that nyt! taz nagkatitigan kami, matagal.. and he turned back his eyes.. (talo sya)ang cute pa mandin nya in way that most attractive , for me..
maybe i find him more attractive than the one whos sitting beside me..
i'll tell you his looks...(the second JM)
tall, super! lampas ng 6' ang height..
(i love his height! iniisip ko plng n yayakapin nya me and ang katapat ng face ko yung dibdib nya sarap ng gnung pakiramdam.. i feel protected...)
chinito w/c i rili like!
mukha xng korean, promis!
wow! and naka chuck taylor sya! + pogi points for me!
hehe i love chucks too! i have also!
naka white syang damit w/ colar..
and naka kulduroy n pants n baston..
lupet ng porma.. (for me)
we eat french fries and pizza and we took shisha..
but not me that nyt..
untill nagkayayaan n s beach!
s boardwalk..
nawala agag yung second JM hai.. gusto ko p mandin xang makilala but before that we took pictures w/ all the gangs.. hehe.. (^-^) nalala ko tinutukso ako ng 2nd JM dun daw me tumabi s real JM sabi ko bakit JM k din naman ahh??
and then umlis ako s grupo ng andun n kami s boardwalk, i look aroun the place and sumunod naman yung real JM w/ my bag.. and we talked anything and he find me weird, maybe bcoz i talked about death..
gnun tlga ako sinasabi ko nasa isip ko..
and then we got back to our room..
all of us.. im looking for the 2nd JM but hes gone..


-----from now on i will tell what is rili on my mind,i will show what i rili want and i will tell and show my feelings..i will continue this msg i dont care if no one could read this..i juz want to express my feelingss..i know no one will read this..for me this is my salvation of LOVE,HURT and beeing BROKEN..i'll continue to write until i lost my LOVE for this goofy guy..Hoping that he'll come back..
-=heartlessgodess=-

KISSES from Goddess

ewan koh bah..
hai...
kailangan kong ilabas toh..
its like my heart is going to burst inside if i didnt wrote this or tell this to anyone.. this will be my output for this feeling that is enclosed inside my heart..
before i cant tell if i rili love this guy, but the day pass evryday and i think that no i fell that im rili falling inlove w/ this guy..
hes so sweet andf thoughtfull and most of all hes so so so super lovable for me.. i think this is the first time i fall inlove this is rili true this is my first time to feel this emptyness inside this unusual me i dont rili care bout guys coz i know they will come and go. but this guy, this tall guy, rili got all of me, for the first time i saw him i rili dont want to be closed to him coz i know maybe, that time my defenses will be broke into pieces, coz the time that i saw him all of my likings and wanted from the guy was all in this guy.. tang-na talaga!! lahat ng weaknesses koh n spot nya! lahat ng gusto ko s lalaki nasa kanya.. i dont mind what his civil status.. all i know is we have the same fellings..
i saw him as a happy guy and started to talk to him, katawa nga 1st meet namin it was on the island of IRAN, named Kish Island.. for me it is the island of temptation..

-----
from now on i will tell what is rili on my mind, i will show what i rili want and i will tell and show my feelings.. i will continue this msg i dont care if no one could read this..

i juz want to express my feelingss..
i know no one will read this..
for me this is my salvation of LOVE,HURT and beeing BROKEN..
i'll continue to write until i lost my LOVE for this goofy guy..
Hoping that he'll come back..

-=heartlessgoddess=-